A Poem by: James Rivera

Then, it felt as if razor blades filled my stomach.
That at any given moment I could plummet.
Left alone with nothing but voices in my head
No longer knowing if I was alive or dead
In my chest she left a gapping but suffocating hole
And abandoned me to lose all control
She didn’t just take my happiness, but my reason for existence
If the gun was to my chest she would be the trigger pulling assistance
Left with nothing but my depression and tears
And becoming more of a ghost amongst my peers
So I turned my depression to anger against the one
The creator that gave us his only begotten son
Nothing but hardships and family dying
Left my mother at the edge of her bed crying
The thought of living chilled me to the bone
How much more could a child be alone?
So self-absorbed, self-indulged in self-sin
That fixing me became a rubix cube of where to begin.
I screamed, “What do I have left to be taken? If you love me so much what have I been forsaken,” and at that moment something only now I can see. As he spoke to people, he spoke to me”
And he bestowed his love and his affection
His undying will and spiritual protection
Gave guidance as he became a map for my heart. It wasn’t instantaneous but it was a start.
What I once was, the idea I just shove
For he gave me a family that could thoroughly love.
If the past was across the street, I would dare not cross
Because his son died for me upon that cross
It was more than obvious, it all seemed so strange but from the beginning I was just running away from change.
Now running could no longer suffice
A new change, a new me thru Christ
Let his affection, love and undying will be known
The creator of the universe gave me a home.
– James Rivera